Understanding youth

1. They were born innocent, sweet, and loveable. Something likely influenced them to become involved in activities which led to a lifestyle that apparently was unacceptable to society in general. It may have been their home environment was dysfunctional or their peers may have invited or even pressured them into thoughts and activities outside the range of being acceptable. Also various media likely influenced them to make choices that were ill-informed and unguided.

2. Their experiences have likely not all been pleasant in one way or another and their natural response has been "NO!" because of the physical or psychological pain they were feeling.

3. In many ways, the experiences of youth have influenced their thoughts and actions in ways that gave evidence of a skewed understanding of life and relationships and their own self-worth.

4. Their understanding of life may have been tainted by constant bombardment of news of war, ever-increasing national debt, dissatisfaction and impatience of adults for them to perform according to the expectations of the adults. Furthermore, their understanding of life may likely be the result of verbal abuse to the extent of constant humiliations by personal "put downs" and vulgarity, physical abuse including sexual abuse, and pressure to "be a man" or "be a woman" and "learn to handle alcohol" and/or "learn to handle yourself as sexually mature" without any positive guidelines. They may have already experienced far more of "life" in their youth than you have experienced in total as an adult. Their experiences could possibly "curl your toenails."

5. Although they appear to be self-confident and possibly even "cocky," they may be confused and afraid. Don't let their outward appearance deceive you into thinking that they are beyond hope and beyond help. Your role as a friend is essentially to be a role model to someone who has only had role models who forced their opinions and their ways on them in such a way as to have become despised. Their contempt for adults in general has been either learned or resorted to as a matter of survival. Do not take any apparent contempt for you as a personal insult.

6. As an adult, you dare not assume either that they "know better" or that they "don't know better." To assume either that they know or that they don't know could possibly result in them "pulling a con job" on you and allowing yourself to be "led around by your nose." Enter this relationship with a troubled youth with open eyes and open ears, an open mind and an open heart as well as an open hand. Blindness and deafness in relating to troubled youth could also get you in trouble. A closed mind & closed heart clearly expressed by a clenched fist are not acceptable.

7. In the same way you fit your time into their time schedule, focus and tailor your thoughts and actions to their understanding of what it means to them to have someone care about them, possibly a first-time experience for them.

8. Coming as a friend, do not assume that the only way a troubled youth will respond to you is if you act tough, use vulgar language and sexual slurs. Youth can "read" an adult and quickly ascertain whether you are genuine or not. If you do not understand all that they have been through in their young and troubled life, it is not belittling yourself to admit that you don't know. In every way, assure them that you do care and are willing to listen in order to understand.

October 15, 2006, Don Klassen, encourager for a Y-2 Project
M-2 Program coordinator at SD State Penitentiary since 1978