What is a Friend?

Jesus said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13. That is self-sacrificing love, Divine Love. Jesus was talking about Himself, being willing to lay down His life for His friends. Jesus embodied Divine Love. Paul wrote in II Corinthians 5:18-20, "God was in Christ reconciling the world unto Himself." So another part of the answer includes being a reconciler, perchance there is a disagreement that the friend might be asked to arbitrate when the friendship has matured. To be in such a position means that respect is present.

Most friendships start more modestly. Finding a connecting point where two people have something in common is a typical way of striking up a conversation. Some friendships never progress beyond being casual friendships. Others, like marriage, mature over the years to where they are inseparable. Such long-lasting friendships are based on mutual trust, mutual sharing, mutual caring, and many mutual experiences along life's paths. A pledged friendship, whether orally or documented, is not to be broken. The element of trust is a pre-requisite like patience. Most friendships would never mature if patience and trust were not already present when the two people meet. Both trust and patience are learned somewhere along life's journey and so is love.

Many people are too selfish to master God's intention for human beings to pattern their love after the Divine Love that Jesus embodied. Too often God's Love is simply presented as "Good News" without mentioning the other half of Jesus' ministry, namely teaching us that we are to love others. That element of love became His "marching order" on the night of His betrayal. Three times He ordered them to "Love one another" as recorded in John 13:34 & 15:12 & 17. If they forgot all else He had taught them, they were not to forget that. His Law of Love, mentioned several times in the New Testament, became known as the Messianic Torah. Most friendships are somewhere in between being casual and inseparable. For the most part, friendships lose their equality when or if one begins to provide support in one way or another for the other. Providing a job or a loan or housing turns the friendship into a business relationship and the equality they once experienced becomes one in which one has the upper hand and the other a more dependent role.

Openness is another quality found in solid friendships. Friends need to be able to express them-selves freely to each other without fear of the other person being judgmental. Freedom from fear is necessary for the relationship to be mutual. A friend is not pushy. The timing may not always be appropriate for one of the persons to listen when the other has needs, but because he or she cares, listening will take precedence over other pressing concerns without giving the other person the impression that he or she is causing an inconvenience. "Art McPhee wrote in his book Friendship Evangelism, "Listening is caring love." When tears roll down the listener's cheeks, the speaker can be sure that their friend really cares. Love can neither be purchased nor legislated. To be a friend means that both listening and caring are requirements to establishing a lasting, loving relationship. Dependability is part of the trust that helps establish a friendship that endures.

Longevity is a quality of friendship that is much more than a "Hail, good fellow, well met." approach to a relationship. Friendships can be stretched over a distance of many miles as well as over a period of years and may span a wide range of experiences. In our contemporary society, it is not usual for one person or the other to re-locate elsewhere, often times quite distant. The friendship will remain intact and each will continue to think of the other as a friend, even though the degree of interaction becomes less.